I recently got together with my closest friend and someone asked us how we knew each other. We both explained we have been friends since 5th grade. The girl was in her early 20’s and just said “wow, that’s crazy!” We all laughed and started talking about our friendship…through our teens, 20’s, 30’s and now 40’s and how much we have changed and grown.
This turned into a pretty cool conversation about what we have learned through those years, how we dealt with tough times and how quickly we learned who our real friends were, as well as just some general realizations and changes we learned the hard way through the years based on challenges we have faced. Here are some of the things I’ve learned so far.
- Just Be You ~ There was a time I wanted impress others…what I learned is that I don’t have to. I remember when I wanted everyone to like me, I would change who I was to become what was expected from me. What I did, was never learn who I really was. I had to peel layers off to find out who I really was and peel even more off to find the confidence in knowing that it’s ok if someone doesn’t accept me for who I really am.
- Remove Negativity ~ Maybe it’s being in my 40’s that my tolerance for negativity has pretty much been depleted. I made a decision many years ago after reading The Saint, The Surfer And The CEO by Robin Sharma, to remove anything in my life that caused me negative stress. That could be a magazine subscription, a bill, a friend, a family member, whatever! I’ll be honest, it was hard at first! It went against who I use to being and making sure everyone liked me. I wasn’t sure if this Robin Sharma really knew what he was talking about. Well…he did! It’s freeing to not have that around me anymore and it’s so much clearer on what and who I want in my life. it has to be positive!
- Listen! ~ When in a disagreement, discuss to resolve not to be right! ~ This was another tough one for me. I love to prove that I am right. My dad always told me since I was younger that I should be an attorney because I was great at debating my side and influencing others (and yes, I’ve read The Art of War). Don’t get me wrong, that’s still something I love to do, however, knowing when to do that and when to listen is what was a struggle for me. For example, recently I shared with someone I love that I was very disappointed in their actions. My intentions came from love and I explained that I believed there was so much more for this person that what had occurred. What happened was that it was heard as me judging and criticizing. That was not my intention at all…not even close. When we discussed it, I could have argued my side all day long, my love for this person was never in question, but why? The point was not to say that someone was right or wrong, it was to listen, to understand how what I said was perceived and to move on, loving this person without skipping a beat. There’s a time to speak up and there’s a time to shut up and listen.
- Get Real With Yourself ~ This kind of ties in with number 3 above when there is a disagreement or a challenge that I have faced. Again, it wasn’t easy for me to do at first and there are times I still struggle with it, but what I’ve learned in “battles” is to not throw mud or point fingers, but look at the situation and see what I did personally to contribute to it and move forward to correct it for the better. I’ve learned that once you say hurtful words to someone, you can’t take it back. That in relationships it always takes TWO to make them work or make them crumble…it’s never just one person and no matter how bad one person wants it to work, if both people can’t “get real” and put the effort in, then it won’t work.
- Forgive ~ Through this process, I’ve learned to forgive quickly. Some things more quickly than others…but I still try. I don’t want to carry around negative feelings towards anyone or anything. I try to understand that everyone is different in what they believe and how they respond and it’s learning those differences that makes it easier to forgive. Forgiving someone though, doesn’t mean I chose to keep them in my life or that the relationship will ever be the same, it just means I simply forgive.
- Find Your Passion ~ Find what you love and do it! I love being there for others, hearing their ideas and goals and supporting them to the next level. I love watching people become better versions of themselves. I love laughing and being spontaneous. I love sharing and learning and growing. Finding your passion isn’t always easy and I honestly think there are many that go through the motions of life and never really take the time to find it. It’s so freeing when you do!
The Ytown Car Girl 